im so stupid to admit
to argue infront of you
it is where i do best
it is where i build my walls
to defend myself
and protect me
against your fiery
igniting
callousing
accusations
and yes...
this have brought me far
and forget
that i am only your daughter
that i am nothing without you
and i still live because of you
but my pride told me otherwise
i always fall
pushed by the same arguments everyday
and i hated it
but i am learning to live with it
it doesn't matter anymore
i am only your daughter
i am nothing without you
and i still live because of you
no. stop.
i will not cry
i will not falter
i have already felt so much
i have already screamed too much
i will still stand
i will walk
i will live
the real me
the real me
but not
infront of you

walls
shattered
defenses torn apart
my mask all broken
lying with me on the cold ground
felt the pain grew more
felt the tears crept on my skin
my body cold and aching
insensate
unfolding

and i have to admit
i have fallen in this
felt the passion increased
felt my soul dismissed
yet i refuse to fall
cause i dont want to fall
i dont want to fall
dont want to fall into you

the earthly chances
that i cannot hold
the temporary happiness
i refuse to absorb
blood flowing
rushing down
lacerations as signs
of my emotional drowns
the necessity that i have lived to do
in times when i am all drunked in you
i scream in torment
time desperately at stake
i no longer draw the faith
the agony rising
as from your blood i bathe
i rushed down
to feel myself
the gulit of this passage
i choose to forget
i hide from the words
of the past i regret
and sleep with the dreams
that never have left

and i have to admit
i have fallen in this
felt the passion increase
felt my soul dismiss
yet i refuse to fall
cause i dont want to fall
i dont want to fall
dont want to fall into you

the astral lights, transcendental
fleeting passion of pleasure brutal
i smiled to believe in your sweetest lie
yet i never understand the reason why

and i have to admit
i have fallen in this
felt the passion increase
felt my soul dismiss
yet i refuse to fall
cause i dont want to fall
i dont want to fall
dont want to fall into you

i dont want to fall
i dont want to fall
i dont want to fall
yet i have fallen for you

let me wipe those tear drops
away from your eyes
it breaks me to see you bleeding
bleeding gently in time
those wounds
are worthless in their eyes
but i know that they're
the symbol of your pride

i'll hide you, wake you
from this cold icy dream
darkness will fade
no it's not too late
together we will scream

i will hold you close
protect you from your raging memories
i'll hide you from the deepest thorns of the abyss
don't be afraid my dear
for nothing will come between us
no, nothing will come between us
nothing will come between us.

sleepless in the night
i'll sing to you, my lullaby
and when your all alone
i'll lead you to my home
i'll never leave your side
'til the final fall of the tide
i'll show you all this life
a new dawn sacrifice

i'll hide you, wake you
from this cold icy dream
darkness will fade
no it's not too late
together we will scream

i will hold you close
protect you from your raging memories
i'll hide you from the deepest thorns of the abyss
don't be afraid my dear
for nothing will come between us
no, nothing will come between us
nothing will come between us.

i do not fear for this day to come... i am preparing for it, i have prepared for long... physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. i am ready... i guess i am... but maybe, just maybe... i'm still trying to get ready... still trying to learn to deal with it.

they say changes are the only constant thing in this world... and i guess it is true... painfully true. but my concern is really on how to handle it. how to handle these drastic changes. the truth is, the last time that i've reflected myself on these kind of things... i have evaluated that changes brought me nothing but depression. i admit that i am not that fond of changes. i do everything according to the way which is comfortable for myself... i just can't believe that this time... i'm trying somehing new.

but as i've said, i trying my best to let this events and feelings in... i know that sometimes we need to get out of our comfort zones, step forward and face these things with all of our strength. and i think that's what i'm going to do.

stand up for my decision.
deal with it.
face it.
experience it.

sometimes... i just need to stop going against the flow...

putangina ang buhay kapag may mga taong PAKEALAMERA, GATONG, 2ND EMOTION, SINGET AT SUPER EPAL sobrahan to the highest level!!! nakakainis! suntukan na lang talaga! nakakaburaot! nakakabwiset! ayoko na! ayoko na! tangina! puta! bwiset!

i run
in the midst of uncertainty
cold, heavy air floating
fog in my way
i fell
and i saw
a shadow walking straight up to me
and at last i see
some light across her face
a face i know
a face i definitely know
i saw it
i sat it
i saw...
it... was me

asar! hindi ko pa maaayos ung syt ko ngayon! masyado pa kong maraming iniintindi!!! arggghhh!!!

tulungan nyo naman ako please!!! kelangan ko lahat ng opinyon nyo... paki sagot naman to... paperwork ko to sa moral theology... kelangan ko pa ng iba pang point of view!!!


" is being a man itself a kind of job? how? "


i'll appreciate your subjective answers... thank you!

Akala ko pa naman pag nilabas ko na ang nasa isip ko, magiging ok na lahat. Pero wala paring naidulot yon kundi kahihiyan, kasalanan at kapahamakan sakin. Iniisip ko tuloy na mali ang naging desisyon ko na I-open ang mga naiisip ko sa iba. Masyado ata akong naging matapang. Hindi ko na rin alam kung tama pa ako o hindi na.

Masyado ko na bang pinapalaya ang sarili ko? Bakit parang hindi nila ko lahat maintindihan? ayoko na. Tama na lahat ng ginawa ko. Babalik na lang ako sa dati kong lugar… mabuti na yung tahimik na lang, nag-iisip. Ayoko ng mag break boundaries… tama na yung mga katangahang ginawa ko…



Stellar remains 2

Graces falling from the skies
Gray and mauve clouds suspended overhead
This earthly turmoil was with no sense
With shadows roaming wild
And light slowly dimming
My faith crumbled gently apart

Lies that I can’t say
Are the truths that made me go away
In fear of finding myself
I shattered
Into pieces
Let faded away
By the cold humming wind
And never to come back
Never again

the claws of great anguish would not forsake me,
and still in pain, i disguise, i hide
my mask all broken as i held it together...
tears fell, i dont matter, it dont matter at all
i craved for the morning sun but shadow are in bloom
like winter, pale the frozen air
my soul corrupted by this earthly veil
and now my life is like never before
black curtains rolled down...
and i started to fall...